Can Horror Movies Teach You How to Be a Smarter Parent?
If you have ever watched a horror film (and come on, I know you have seen at least three, right?) then you know that there are rules.
Certain things have to happen to the characters, and these things haven't changed much over the years.
Well, the same holds true with parenting. The same old scenarios keep popping up. Your mother knows them. Your grandmother knows them. Heck, I bet if you could go back and talk to Eve she would tell you about them too!
Here are just a few of those lessons:
Certain things have to happen to the characters, and these things haven't changed much over the years.
Well, the same holds true with parenting. The same old scenarios keep popping up. Your mother knows them. Your grandmother knows them. Heck, I bet if you could go back and talk to Eve she would tell you about them too!
Here are just a few of those lessons:
1. When Things Get Suddenly Quiet, Something Scary is About to Happen
In a horror film, a moment of silence is not a break from the action.
It is usually means that one of these things is about to happen:
In real life you probably won't have those particular issues. You also won't have musical cues when something is about to get rotten. But as a parent, you still know how ominous a sudden silence can be.
No chatter. No toy instruments. No crying, whining or pleading. No laughing, or singing. Not even the sound of little monkeys jumping on the bed.
So what is going on?
You probably do the same thing movie heroines do--jump to your feet and either run or sneak down the hall, where you prepare to meet your own version of a horror film showdown.
Best case scenario: the munchkins are happily playing with toys. But that doesn't mean you should let your guard down. Ever.
Because silence is when everything in the bathroom just got flushed down the toilet.
It is usually means that one of these things is about to happen:
- Bad guy is going to jump out and grab someone
- A dead body is going to come back to life
- A screeching cat will jump from a cupboard of fall from the ceiling
- Something scary will appear in the mirror
- You find out that a good guy is actually the bad guy
In real life you probably won't have those particular issues. You also won't have musical cues when something is about to get rotten. But as a parent, you still know how ominous a sudden silence can be.
No chatter. No toy instruments. No crying, whining or pleading. No laughing, or singing. Not even the sound of little monkeys jumping on the bed.
So what is going on?
You probably do the same thing movie heroines do--jump to your feet and either run or sneak down the hall, where you prepare to meet your own version of a horror film showdown.
Best case scenario: the munchkins are happily playing with toys. But that doesn't mean you should let your guard down. Ever.
Because silence is when everything in the bathroom just got flushed down the toilet.
2. If Something Obviously Isn't Working, Stop Insisting On Using It.
In some horror movies, you always have that guy that insists on shooting the bad guy/specter/zombie/alien etc even though it does NOTHING at all. Yet he just keep doing it. And the bad guy just keeps doing his thing.
And the hero just keeps talking about how this is definitely the best plan of action, even though it hasn't worked at all and good guys are dropping like flies.
There is a huge lesson to be learned here from moms. If it doesn't work, find something new. You've seen the parents that just keep repeating themselves, or doing the same action over and over.
It's okay to keep trying for awhile. But it's also okay to admit that the plan is a fail, and it's time to think of something new.
And the hero just keeps talking about how this is definitely the best plan of action, even though it hasn't worked at all and good guys are dropping like flies.
There is a huge lesson to be learned here from moms. If it doesn't work, find something new. You've seen the parents that just keep repeating themselves, or doing the same action over and over.
It's okay to keep trying for awhile. But it's also okay to admit that the plan is a fail, and it's time to think of something new.
3. Interruptions Are Necessary for Plot Tension
In your typical horror movie, two or more people have to be interrupted at important points in the film. This is to build tension and keep things interesting.
Maybe they are having an intimate moment. Maybe they just stepped out for one relaxing cigarette. Maybe they were about to share something really critical to the plot or to their own relationship.
By law, something has to stop them. The villain, another main character, an explosion...Whatever. They cannot be allowed to just finish what they started without penalty.
In parenting life? Yep. Same thing.
If you've just planned an elaborate intimate evening with your partner, or run your first hot bath in three days, or settled down to eat your first real meal in 24 hours...
If you just need to talk about something important for crying out loud...
By law, you have to be interrupted.
Maybe they are having an intimate moment. Maybe they just stepped out for one relaxing cigarette. Maybe they were about to share something really critical to the plot or to their own relationship.
By law, something has to stop them. The villain, another main character, an explosion...Whatever. They cannot be allowed to just finish what they started without penalty.
In parenting life? Yep. Same thing.
If you've just planned an elaborate intimate evening with your partner, or run your first hot bath in three days, or settled down to eat your first real meal in 24 hours...
If you just need to talk about something important for crying out loud...
By law, you have to be interrupted.
4. When You Need It, It Will Be Broken or Missing
For the first hour of any film, characters use their phones, lights, internet, tools, cars, etc without problems.
These items always break down or disappear mysteriously as soon as they need them for survival.
You tell your child the nightlight will help scare away monsters. So the electricity goes off. You promise on your life to bring a flashlight. The flashlight batteries are suddenly dead, and the ones in the kitchen drawer are all the wrong size.
In horror movies, the characters are resourceful and build or invent what they need. (Seriously, characters that are total idiots suddenly know how to build stuff like wind turbines and yachts.)
In real life, we love 24 hour stores.
These items always break down or disappear mysteriously as soon as they need them for survival.
You tell your child the nightlight will help scare away monsters. So the electricity goes off. You promise on your life to bring a flashlight. The flashlight batteries are suddenly dead, and the ones in the kitchen drawer are all the wrong size.
In horror movies, the characters are resourceful and build or invent what they need. (Seriously, characters that are total idiots suddenly know how to build stuff like wind turbines and yachts.)
In real life, we love 24 hour stores.
5. You Should ALWAYS Get Someone Else to Look First
That way you can gauge their reaction and know whether or not you should help or flee.
Like when that strange moment of silence happens and you KNOW you have to peek in the playroom. Get a buddy to go with you, because they might not be as upset at why lies beyond.
If it is terribly bad, you have the option of shoving them in first.
Like when that strange moment of silence happens and you KNOW you have to peek in the playroom. Get a buddy to go with you, because they might not be as upset at why lies beyond.
If it is terribly bad, you have the option of shoving them in first.
6. But Never Split Up
Never, ever, ever split up when you facing something evil, scary, dangerous, mysterious, or just plain weird. You will just get eaten alive one at a time. You are stronger in pairs. Groups are even better. (Hello, grandparents.)
And never split up when you are facing down small children who might into mischief.
Going in alone to examine the damage just gives the little geniuses time to wear you down individually. Because they know your soft spots.
Go with a partner, protect each other's soft spots.
And never split up when you are facing down small children who might into mischief.
Going in alone to examine the damage just gives the little geniuses time to wear you down individually. Because they know your soft spots.
Go with a partner, protect each other's soft spots.
7. Calling Someone For Help Doesn't Always Work
In the RARE event that a phone retains service throughout a horror movie, it only means that it will be useless. When you make that call and get hold of the person who you think has the answers, they will:
It kinda works that way in real life too. You have a dire emergency, an urgent question, a problem you just can't solve. Or maybe you just want someone to listen to you and believe you. A little sympathy perhaps?
Sometimes, you get through to a person who tries to help. At other times you get...well, the same thing movie characters get.
You have a 50/50 shot here, so do what you want. You might get the answer to your problem, or they might just tell you to lock your bedroom door and lie low.
- Not believe you.
- Laugh at you
- Put you on hold
- Downplay your problem
- Give you really impractical advice
It kinda works that way in real life too. You have a dire emergency, an urgent question, a problem you just can't solve. Or maybe you just want someone to listen to you and believe you. A little sympathy perhaps?
Sometimes, you get through to a person who tries to help. At other times you get...well, the same thing movie characters get.
You have a 50/50 shot here, so do what you want. You might get the answer to your problem, or they might just tell you to lock your bedroom door and lie low.
8. Never Trust the Adults
Look at some of the many horror films that were made. No adult listened to Andy when he told them his doll was a homicidal maniac named Chucky.
Parents actually drugged their kids and practically fed them to Freddy Krueger on Elm Street. In many teen slasher films, the actual villain IS an adult.
Lets face it, grown-ups in general (especially authority figures) are either dangerous or unhelpful in dire situations.
If you are going to listen to someone, listen to the kids! They have a much more stable view of things.
For instance, kids will never tell you to go into a dark, scary basement alone (with no flashlight) to investigate a crazy sound.
Ever.
It takes an adult to be that dumb.
Parents actually drugged their kids and practically fed them to Freddy Krueger on Elm Street. In many teen slasher films, the actual villain IS an adult.
Lets face it, grown-ups in general (especially authority figures) are either dangerous or unhelpful in dire situations.
If you are going to listen to someone, listen to the kids! They have a much more stable view of things.
For instance, kids will never tell you to go into a dark, scary basement alone (with no flashlight) to investigate a crazy sound.
Ever.
It takes an adult to be that dumb.
9. You Will Probably Survive
Because you are sort of like that main character. And, if you pay really close attention, you will note that the survivors aren't necessarily the most beautiful, the best armed, or the most "alpha" of the characters.
They are the ones that used wits, ingenuity, resources, common sense and logic.
They are highly adaptable, too, which means that when Plan A fails, they don't start screaming in despair and alert the zombies.
They just quietly start plotting their next plan.
Get it? The smart characters that don't panic are the ones who live.
Usually.
They are the ones that used wits, ingenuity, resources, common sense and logic.
They are highly adaptable, too, which means that when Plan A fails, they don't start screaming in despair and alert the zombies.
They just quietly start plotting their next plan.
Get it? The smart characters that don't panic are the ones who live.
Usually.
Bonus Survival Tips
So, here are some basic tips for surviving a horror mo--I mean parenting:
- Always have two of everything
- Have more than one plan
- Find your superweapon (spoiler: it's probably caffeine)
- Always know where to find the exits
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